here comes another one

snow is an event. it's like an impending holiday but with less notice. everything shuts down early and people run around like mad men trying to coordinate the dismissal of our clients at work or students in school when they should have jsut cancelled in the first place. but no, let's send everybody in and then drive them all home during a heavy snow storm. becuase that makes alot if sense. anyway people are glued to their tvs watching the weather men like it was the dick clark new years eve special. just to make sure that nothing changes at the last minute which considering this is new england, that is a possibilty. personally my favorite weather man is tony petrraca, but i also enjoy "the giorssi factor" jsut to switch it up and keep tony honest. so anyway we are supposed to be getting either 2-4 inches or 6-8 inches depending on if you watch channel 10 or channel 12. it's times like this that i miss having my mother here. but alas, my little armchair meterologist is hauling her cookies down to florida to escape the abismal month of janurary here in massachuesetts. this means i am on my own as far as black ice warnings and impending snow storms although for the latter one only need to drive by stop and shop and gage from the amount of overzealous assholes stocking up on bread and milk. please. i did that yesterday when we first got the warning. amatures.

stop it.

so i guess i have to be careful here because i don't know who will be reading this but i have to get it out. what is up with these pretentious jackass dog owners? seriously, brushing your dogs teeth? putting it in pajamas? buying it gourmet treats? i'm sorry but when did dogs stop being animals? now anyone who knows me knows i am not animal lover. don't get me wrong, i don't think animals should be abused or neglected but a stroller, for a dog? are you serious? and not to sound cliche but there are starving children in africa!!! and here we have idiots like paris hilton buying her pooch a diamond encrusted collar worth more than my house! i hate to break it to you people but it's a freaking DOG!!! i'm sorry you didn't have kids, but get over it that was your choice (i can only assume this because anyone with kids bearly has time to dress themselves let alone an animal). take that firemans outfit off of your dog immediatly and get yourself some professional help.

resolutions

i'm back. christmas is over and that means it's time to start thinking about new year's resolutions. personaly, i have kept up with my goal of exercising, writing, and reading almost everyday so that is an accomplishment. would it be pushing it to add something more to that? maybe i will go with my old stand by which is to be less sarcastic and judgmental. this usually lasts about 2.5 days and then i revert back. somethings are just ingrained and you can't fight them. i suspect that is just my personality. hmmmm. maybe i will try to cook healthier meals since i have been kind of lax about that recently. maybe i will try to feed my kids vegetables everyday. that seems like an appropriate realistic goal. i used to be pretty good at that, pureeing my veggies and what not, but with all the exercising, reading, and blogging, not to mention flossing, something had to give. unfortunalty for my family it was meals. yes, i think this is a goal that might actually work. what are your resolutions?

gone but not forgotten

so i know that for many people the holidays have an layer of sadness to them. it is a time to reflect back on christmases past and remember family and friends who just aren't here any more for whatever reason. we have a tendency to idealize the past which makes it even harder. personally my favorite time to bring to mind is christmas eve. it has always been my favorite day of the year, much more than christmas day. it is a day full of anitcipation and possibility. i remember my dad would take my sister and i to the movies so my mom could wrap presents. then we would have chinese food and family and neighbors would come over and we would go caroling in the snow. i swear this is no fabrication although it sounds that way, it's too perfect. who wouldn't look back on that with a bittersweet feeling. sure now i have my husband and my children and neice and nephews, but i miss my uncle bob and my titi and my vavoa. i miss having it all laid out for me, now i do the engineering and although i am known as "martha" nothing i do seems to be able to touch the magic of my christmas eves growing up. i guess i just can't hear the bells any more. i know too much.

making spirits bright

i hit the holiday motherload today. i slid (literaly) into work 9 minutes late and usually this is a sign that it's not going to get any better from there. wrong-o my friends for what to my wondering eyes should appear, my jackass of a supervisor slipping a christmas card into my in-box! not paperwork to file, but a bonafide christmas card complete with a picture of his daughter on the front. then before i can take off my snow boots in comes another co-worker brandishing her mother's homemade pumpkin roll! i cut myself a respectable slice, but from the snickers of my fellow workmates apparently it was a little too generous (i guess i have a date with richard simmons tonight, i may be the only female to have ever uttered those words...but anyway) next in comes stacy with little decorative bags filled with hand made chocolate covered pretzels follwed by my boss stating that there are goodies in the confernece room! i half expected andy williams to pop out crooning it's the most wonderful time of the year... but hey, there's still time i mean it's only 10:00.

let it snow

well we had our first significant snowfall today and it is still going on as i type. riley got out of school early. we played outside and built some snowmen. then we had hot chocolate and breakfast for dinner. after we cleaned up dinner we had a special viewing of charlie browns christmas. everything looks so beautiful and festive. my husband is chomping at the bit to go out and use our new snowblower thingy. everyone is happy. my brother in law also got to see his first snowfall. that must be weird but hopefully magical. i am still in awe when i see the first snowfall of the season. it brings back so many childhood memories for me. i don't really get it when people pray for no snow especially this time of year. do they not feel the charge and the romance of it?? how sad. oh well i hope i never get miserable like that. okay so snow in march is a different story. at that point we are ready for spring but snow for christmas, now that's magic.

these boots were made for walking...

i ran though kmart with 5 pairs of snow boots today. it's funny how it takes an impending blizzard to light a fire under people. see only two of the pairs were for me, the rest were for friends children. i paid way too much for kmart snowboots and got the last of the size 3 and 7 boots as they were all picked over by all the other last minute people. as i waited in the long line i flashed back to septmeber when i perused the lands end over stock selections of really nice cheap boots. hmmm should i get them...nah i'll wait. why? why wait? what the hell is wrong with me? no don't answer that. but i do it all the time. i second guess myself and i am hidiously cheap. so i miss out and end up paying more for crapola. i love the word crapola. but i digress. anyway after running through kmart with the snow boots and paying too much i relax a little. okay, i have the boots. breathe. now let me run over to marshalls and see their boots in case i need to buy them there at a better price and return the ones to kmart (i'm nuts i know). so marshalls had no boots at all! picked over city! so i return to my car mildly smug and then i glance over at walmart. hmm what if walmart has cheaper boots? i run into the dreaded walmart, i would rather punch myself in the face then go to walmart but now i am on a mission. i am pissed at myself over the lands end debacle and i am not going to be overcharged for cheesey boots! so i dash into the armpit of america and ha! boots are $10 more and they don't have alot of sizes. so triumphant i exit walmart vowing never to return again. then i think well what about target...it is at that moment that i notice my gas light is on and my behavior is erratic bordering on manic so i take cleansing breaths and head home still muttering obsecenities at myself for not buying the boots on clearence. this is what motherhood has reduced me to.

gas

why do we do things that we know are bad for us? for instance, yesterday for lunch i ate a fiber one bar with my yogurt. expereince tells me that fiber one bars leave me in a hunched over state grappling with severe gas. this is not pleasant for me or those around me. but i did it and then i paid for it. sure it was tastey and a nice compliment to my yogurt and i am sure somewhere in the back of my mind i was thinking that it would be okay. i guess it's kind of like in college when we would go on drinking binges. i was fortunate enough to not get hangovers, but my loved ones not so much. yet weekend after weekend that was what we looked foward to. i actually just watched a bill cosby stand-up about the same thing. anyway, it's human nature but it is so funny. i mean on the other hand we don't do things that we know would be good for us. sure i should exercise but... yeah i should eat more vegetables but... i should wear my seat belt but... and on and on. silly humans.

betty crocker

what a busy weekend. we had our annual baking day on sunday and i have to say it was quite effecient and a success! i packaged the goodies last night and will pass them out today while they are fresh. i have to say that the baking day is one of my favorite traditions. my kids stay home and i get to have some adult christmas time. usually adult christmas time consists of justin and i battling target or toys r us with out the kids, so this was peaceful.
anyway, i only have 5 people left to buy for and a million presents to wrap. usually i am much more last minute then this but i have been pacing myself this year. i would like to get to edaville and this saturday we are taking the kids to the Z for a christmas concert and sing a long. it is geared towards kids so it is short with no intermission. i think they'll love it! and then that's about it! i have to say as the years go on i am getting better and better at time managment. speaking of time managment i better get back to work, especially since i will be leaving early to go to riley's school concert tomorrow!

ramblings of a woman woken up at 4:30

so last night we embarked on another bouley family tradition, espionage! just kidding, we packed the kids in the car after dinner when it was nice a dark, each with hot (but not too hot) chocolate blasted the christmas music and drove around to look at the christmas lights. we knew a couple of spots that do it up right and we found some new ones. we has so much fun singing along with the music and ohh and ahhing at the lights. plus also i got to peek in people's houses which i love. what, there's nothing wrong with that! anyway it's fun and it's free and it is what christmas is all about, spending time with family. i can't beleive christmas is two weeks away! i haven't even watched the griswolds yet! not to mention shopping! but i am trying not to stress the gifts too much this year i just want this season to last. it's such a beautiful time of year that i wish it was longer. the winter is so gross and bleak, why not extend the christmas season into january to help it go by? i think i have sai this before but i mean it. also i have been up since 4:30 this morning with a scared two year old and i am craving a tuna sub from subway. it's possible that i may very well be losing my mind. it might help if this freezing rain were snow. i think i still have about 5 sleds in my celler from my favorite little iowans and i could use a run down potato hill. okay i am putting snow out to the universe. okay time for a new episode of the wonder pets...

the new frangrance from sofia bouley...

i am wearing baby peepee today. yup, i was getting ready to go out the door, late as usual and that's when it happened. my daughter, who had decided to be a kitty (she does this often), was meowing at my feet. pick up kitty! so i pick her up and scratch between her ears becuase that is what kittys like and she licks my face because that's how kittys show love and apparently in all of this kittyness she couldn't make it to the litter box. oh well, it will dry. i already had a difficult time finding a shirt that fit right and i was late and i had an isp this morning.... well somewhere along the road my babys peepee went from smelling like nothing to full out amonia. well at least people will leave me alone today. heehee. anyway peepee beats vomit (sorry chrissy)!

grace

one concept that i really love is grace. it's overlooked i think but i have started to think alot about it this past year ans it has really helped me through some sticky situations. grace to me is handeling what life gives you with dignity, honor, and graciousness. it is delicate and wise. it is the abilty to overcome panic and make the most thought out appropriate desicion at the time. it is rising above your animal instinct. the image in my mind when i think of grace is audrey hepbrun and i am not sure why. i am not a big fan on audrey although i did enjoy breakfast at tiffanys. i think maybe it is because she is so delicate and beautiful but fiesty at the same time. anyway, i am always amazed at the grace of motherhood. it started for me when i was in labor for sofia. i really had no set plan for my labor. i vaguely remembered it from 5 years before. i figured i would play it by ear since people with "birth plans" have always made me giggle. well as the pain got stronger and stronger i prayed for strength. i would have had an epidurel as i did before but a part of me was fascinated. i closed my eyes and prayed and when i thought i couldn't make it through another contraction, i did. it was God's grace. i focused on him and i was able to go on. to go on when i thought i would break. then again with nursing. it was so painful for me. but again with God's grace i was able to push myself beyond what i ever thought was possible. when i feel like i am about to snap, like i just can't take another day there is the grace again to attend to my children or to my husband. amazing. where does it some from? this strength to not give up and to do my best. in my darkest hours the ability to get up off the ground and face another day. to live up to expectations. the abilty to see situations and people for what they are and to respond in a way that will make me feel proud and competent. unfortuatly this is more of a stream of consciouness then a blog but i am having a hard time putting these thoughts into words as i keep getting interupted. anyway, it just blows me away.

nothing special

so we had our first glorious snow of the season!!! the weather man said it would be rain for the coast but he was wrong! our lights outside looked beautiful in the snow as does everything. we took the kids and brody up to patriots place for the christmas wonderland going on at the bass proshop. they had a great time and got to sit on santa's lap. he was a good santa too. very realistic looking. my favorite part of the day had to ahve been my bonzai burger at the red robin. what a treat and the kids were actually almost good! anyway. today it is 19 degrees out. i am so freaking cold i don't even want to drink my soda that i brought. i wish i brought soup instead of dumb yogurt for lunch. oh well. i guess i better get back to work now. brrrr.

stephen and co

i went for my hair last night like i do every two weeks but i must admit i really was dreading it. usually i love to go since it is about an hour and a half all to my self but itwas friday night and i was missing my justin and it was cold and we had been spending money like water and...ugh. but i went becuase i skipped the trim last time and by know i really needed it. i didn't have to wait when i got there which is nice. she offered me coffee or tea like usual i declined. then trimmed my hair perfectly!!! we usually argue over my layers. i want them minimally and she wants mullat city!! doesn't she know i want to have my hair like jennifer aniston (ok stop laughing)! anyway i held my breath and perfect!!! whew...she got it. then she brushed on my deep conditioning shine treatment and sat me under the dryer for 20 minutes of bliss. this is my favorite part. i get to sit snug and warm with a shower cap on my head under the dryer. she bring me two or three rag magazines (guilty indulgence) and i zone out. noone calling me no kids tugging on me. just me the hair dryer and brangelina! so you can imagine my dismay when this man comes over to me to shake my hand and introduce himself. wow that trim WAS really good. he thinks i Am jennifer aniston! wait no i have a shower cap on.... ah he is offering me a hand massage complimentary! being a lady who never turns down free things i immedialty say sure! way to loudly because my ears are covered with a shower cap and hair dryer (unfortunalty i don't realize this for about ten minutes. thank god he was so polite). anyway wowwee wow wow! i think i might have been drooling. he did things to my hand that a man has never done! and when he was all done i wanted to shout NO! but i has already made a fool of myself with the loud talking so i thanked him and apoligized again for shouting. he invited me to a charity thing where he was doing more massages. tempting. but i think i might become a groupy. any way my point is sometimes if you push yourself to do something you are dreading you might find that it was more than worth it! (this ties in to chrissy's blog because we are sisterly like that)

what the heck!

so my daughter has been in a bad mood for about 2 weeks now. she wakes up whinning, whines through most of the day, and then whines her way to bed. i want to know what happened. one minute we had a rhythm, best friends. we could do anything together (except shop, but i will admit there area few people who can shop with me). she and i would have conversations that only we could undertand (i think this ability comes from 10 years of working with MR clients). she was a good eater and a staunch picker-upper. now she is a crab, a beast, a....dare i say it....BRAT!!! where did i go wrong? she's not even a teenager yet! i thought i had at least 10 years before we would be butting heads like we do. i mean i pick my battles, wearing the pirate hat to music class...okay, going for a walk arounf the block twice in 20 degree weather okay...having crackers for breakfast...no way. taking ornaments off the tree...hell no. am i wrong? i don't think so. there has to be limits and rules, it is a slippery slope once you start making exceptions, but sometimes i am tempted to give in. just so i can get my little friend back. just so i won't have to deal with the flailing and the high pitched wails. just to have 5 minutes of peace. oh hershey kisses for breakfast one day won't kill her... but once you start giving in it gets easier and easier and then you have a verouca salt. no i guess it is easier to go through this now to build her character and set the groundwork. i'll just have to repeat that to myself when she is clawing at the door trying to get on the bus with riley.

coffee for lack of a better titile

we are meeting with riley's teacher today. i know what she is going to say. he is a great kid but very distracted. and she is right. i tell him to go up stairs and get dressed and 20 minutes later i will go to see what is taking him so long and he will be standing on his bed in his underwear staring out the window making robot sounds. he can't follow through! doing his homework he knows the answers but he can't keep going. his pencil distracts him! i have tried yelling, punishing, taking things away, but i honestly think he can't help it. he isn't being naughty he just can't keep going. i don't want to put it all on the teacher but i don't know what else to do. medication is definetly out. maybe an incentive with stickers? but what about the other kids? it's not fair to them. but if riley keeps bringing home his day work than i am going to go crazy. homework time consits of me trying to help riley while keeping sofia away and making dinner. fun! i should film it someday. you know to show the doctors when they finally put me away... oh well i'll let you know how it goes.

oh christams tree oh christmas tree

tonights the night! we are going to decorate the bouley family christmas tree!!! it is in the stand in the living room (sofia is walking around telling everyone not to touch) letting the branches fall. okay so i totally watched a segment on martha on all of the differnet types of trees and decided we would go with a frasier fir. our first stop was alderbrook farm where the people are awesome and the kids enjoy petting the animals. no frasier firs. so we headed to ann and hope. frasier firs! did i mention that frasier firs are like the most expensive tree? well we picked out a beauty set it up and realized it was pretty freaking small. we like to accent our high ceilings by selecting a tall tree. oh well. the color is gorgous though dark green with silvery branches underneath. this year we sprung for tree food too. so tonight, andy williams will be blaring and the bouley's will be a'decorating! i will try to post pictures tomorrow. sorry for the shabby post but i am off to an ISP. blah.

roll out the holly

well thanksgiving was beautiful although the gingerbread house building was a bit of a disastor. at least i know what to do for next year. i have to keep this bried as we are meeting with Quest this morning (sort of like an audit). i am so excited for christmas though. i, like chrissy, was surprised to see the advent wreath on the alter this week. also the tree wit hgift requests from needy families in the community. i took two requests that melted my heart and if i know me i will probably take more before it's all done. i love buying those gifts more then i love buying gifts for my family! that might sound crazy but there is something so beautiful about helping aomeone who really needs it and remaining anonymous. nobody owes me anything and i can just give. i also can't wait for our trip to lasellette. i hope it snows soon because that is like a turbo boost to my soul this time of year. we had some freezing rain on sunday and between that and the advent wreath at church i dragged my family out in the cold wet weather to get our tree! oh and today was the first day of the advent calender! i hope this feeling can get me through a rainy stressful monday.

over the river and though the woods

i went into work for 6:30 this morning so i could get out in time to be present at my son't first grade "thanksgiving feast". they are going to dress up like pilgrims and indians and i don't want to miss it! then for the rest of the afternoon i will be preparing my brine and baking my cornbread and assembling the stuffing etc. it sounds stressful, and maybe it is a little, but i love it. i think the first time i really started to love thanksgiving was in the seventh grade. a group of us went to my friend anne's house on the afternoon before thanksgiving. anne lived in a huge old old house in wareham. i mean it had to be from the late 1700's and it was enormous and loaded with charm. anne was the youngest of 12 children! her father was a dr. and her mom was a house wife. her parents were a lot older since they had so many children. anyway seeing her mom work in the kitchen and smelling all the scents of the pies really struck me. i thought how exciting to have such a huge family and to have so much food to prepare. the house just really charmed me and it was in that moment that i knew i wanted that some day. i wanted a bunch of children and an old farm house. i wanted the energy and excitment and work that goes into all that. whenever it is close to thanksgiving i think of that day. i can still smell the pies baking and see the enormous dining room table loaded with the linens for the next day. i imagine a dozen children all with their own lives and familes coming together honoring traditions and reliving memories. it is a warm feeling on this icy november morning and i can't wait to get home to my kitchen. although i don't have 12 kids and an old farmhouse, there's still time....

a white christmas

so it went from mild fall weather to freakin' freezing in the matter of a week. there is frost on my car in the morning and i am officially in the market for an electric blanket. it's okay though, it makes for a more christmasy feel and i have already put up some icicle lights on the porch. the hats and gloves and scarfs came out of the closet last week too. just in time for the beautiful cold new york weather. i must say that the bouley family was quite comfortable if not a tad bulky walking the streets of new york thanks to the thermal underwear i bought for us. if it wasn't for my unreasonable shoes i would have stayed all day. we really enjoyed the trip to fao shwartz and the big macys! althought the christmas lights weren't up yet it was still exciting to see the window display at macys. this year the theme is miracle on 34th street! i also bought myself a $5 pashmina! in black tres chic! it goes great with my pomogranite from martha. i guess times are tough for everyone though, even martha who cut out her crossaint tray from last year. maybe it will be a good thing. we can bring the focus back on family and tradition and not on gifts and commercialism. the best things about christmas that i remember didn't cost a thing. except for the year i got my paddington bear. that was bliss.

maybe it's me

i find myself analyzing people all the time. this can be good and bad. however i get really frustrated when people don't do things the way i would do them. also i read a lot and i am fascinated by literature on child rearing and health. i reatain most of what i read and i have a tendency to be really judgemental of people who aren't doing what the experts say we should. i know that there are a bizzilion things wrong with this outlook and i am not looking to be validated i am just confessing an observation about myself (much like my martha show that i put on). i would not want to admit this negative habit that i have to anyone so it must be bad although i have to admit it doesn't feel bad when i am picking someone apart in my head. i can't help it. the obese person ordering two double cheeseburger at mcdonalds. the mother in walmart cursing at her children. the person driving and smoking with an infant in the backseat. these things drive me insane. oh and germ-o-phobs. i shouldn't be so judgemental but i want to shake these people and say don't you know what you're doing???!! but it's not my life and everyone is intitled to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. i just wish i didn't expand so much energy on the people around me. i wish i could take people with a grain of salt but it's not my nature. i am a feisty know it all! so maybe i can tease out a new years resolution in all that...

rolling along

so last night we had a fundraiser for the Wood School at the skating rink in town. We have never been skating as a family and although i can skate okay i declined having wheels. justin is a good skater though so he rented some rollerblades, sofia got some slip on skates, and riley rented regular 4 wheel skates. Riley was so excited and was decieved by how easy it looks. usually if something doesn't come right away for him, riley doesn't want any part of it so i thought it was going to be a short night. well riley got out and that floor and he slipped and wobbled his way to the center of the floor. up and then plop over and over. i ran over to him to hold his hand and walk with him but he didn't want my hand! he wanted to do it by himself. i walked over to the sidelines and watched him flail and try in the center of the floor, other kids wizzing by him. i held my breath. i wanted so badly to help him, to hold him up. i was afraid he would get laughed at or worse, hurt. but i knew what i had to do. i had to stand back and let him go, let him try and fail. watch him fall and cheer him on. i imagine it won't be the last time i am in that position but it was truly a moment that made me reflect on my journey this far and remember that this time is fleeting and that my role is evolving.

meltdown

so i was reading my book last night and i came across a sentece that really struck me. it said something along the lines of when you turn 30 you pass in yor "coolness badge". it was an insignificant line as far as the plot and story go but it really struck me. my first honest reaction was panic. oh my goodness i'm 29. i'm still cool but not for long. then i quickly reminded myself of people i consider to be cool who are over 30. and then i decided to put it out of my head. then today at work i wore in my new sunglasses (see my myspace page for more details) which i thought were cool. i asked a coworker if they thought they were cool since they got a lukewarm reception from my husband, and i was informed that i lool like a state trooper or paunch from chips. then i went around and asked everyone else i ran into and all the same answer. no, those sunglasses are not cool. my god! here i am 29 years old and uncool! i thought i had months left before the inevitable! now i am doubting myself. i used to buy kate spade pocketbooks and i had ugg boots years before they were overly trendy! now i am the victim of uncool sunglasses. could a short, curly hair-do be far off... i think i know why middle aged men buy red corvettes and date strippers, i have this overwhelming urge to prove i am still cool. let me chanel my inner fonzie...except that all the cool people are under 30 so they probably don't know who the hell fonzie is. oye vey!

it's a good thing

the secret to the perfect banana bread is a cup of shredded coconut. chocolate chips don't hurt either. i made two loafs last night because i couldn't stand looking at the bunch of rotten bananas in my fruit bowl any longer. they were a reminder that my work was not done. that time was ticking. that any much longer and they would have walked themselves to the trash. i gave in around 5:30 last night. want to know a secret? i force my daughter to listen to my sick imperssionation of martha stewart whenever i cook. strangly enough my daughter loves to cook with me. she slides her chair up to the counter as i inindate her with information on the different parts of the nutmeg, or the orgin of whipped cream. i speak in my snotty martha accent and use words like "beautiful" when discribing an egg. it's sick, i know but she loves it. i have caught my husband rolling his eyes at my "cooking show" but maybe sofia will grow up to be the next martha stewart! if nothing else she will have a plethora of useless information on differnet types of whisks and possibly a conneticut accent. so there now you know just how strange i am. i'm sure you all had an idea but here is my confession. what's yours?

the sleepover that wasn't

well we tried. sofia was supposed to sleep over gramma bouley's last night with riley. around 9:00 we got the call that i had been expecting (which was part of the reason why we were still shopping in dartmouth at that time). little sofia trying to catch her breath between sobs. come get me i'm scared, there are noises upstairs. justin and i couldn't get to our little bird fast enough. i didn't even have time to feel disappointed i could hear it in her voice that she was afraid and not even stuffed tigre could help. i did however feel dissapointed when i woke up to her calling me at an ungodly hour. oh well maybe next year of course by then we will probably have some screaming nursing new born at that time. oh why are we so cruel to ourselves? i wonder if people with out children live longer? yeah but who will select your nursing home? anyway the home depot had nothing so today we will go to 2 fireplace stores. then we have a birthday party at brody's house. at least i'll get some yummy cake....

turkey

i wrote a blog this morning and the damn thing disappeared again. anyway it wasn't very interesting. i was compaining about something i think. so i ordered my turkey today. 27 pounds of moist delicious turkey goodness. i have also dipped my toes into the proverbial pond of christmas music. lite 105 is already playing nonstop chritsmas tunes. it's supposed to get really chilly tomorrow and possible flurries this week which will really kick me into gear for the holidays. we are supposed to go and look at more foreplaces tonight. lowes had nothing. i have a feeling home depot won't either and we will end up ordering from an actual fire place store. although i did briefly consider the chimnea idea... anyway i wish this stupid 60 degree weather would stop. it's really bringing me down. of course ask me again in march when i am begging for it. we are trying to keep the heat at 66 degrees but it is difficult. i think it is our high ceilings and then we can never remember which way to whirl our celing fan to make the heat circulate. oh well that's where the freplace would come in. i would be curled up like a cat in front of mine. well i guess that is it. nothing to really blog about but i missed it. 3 things i have been trying to do each day: read, write (blog), and 20 minutes of exercise. i must admit i have been pretty diciplaned. i give it until after thanksgiving and that is being optimisitc.

calgon..take me away.

i can't work any more. my eyes are crossing everytime i try to read. so i decided to write my blog instead. it is my mom's birthday today so i am going to run and pick up riley at ccd and then pick up titia and then go to my parents for dinner and cake. i can't beleive how busy every single day is. it's maddening. i just want a peaceful day. it seems like every weekend there is a birthday party or something going on. sometimes i think i just need to say no. i get caught up in everything and i forget that i have the power to say no to things. i remember reading a little sign in a waiting room once that said "stress is wait happens when your gut says no and your mouth says yes". so true. i don't think i even have time to go to the bathroom for another hour! well i'm off again. i hope i will ahve more time to write tomorrow.

let's try a new one

sigh. yesterdays post was a beaut. i poured my little heart out into that one and you know what? the blog page ate it. i was so confused by everyone's comments until i realized it only posted my title. if anything good came out of this it's that i now know more about bus tires then i ever thought necessary. oh well. maybe it will appear again one day as mysteriously as it left. we are going to put in a fireplace. we have been talking about it for a while now and i think we are going to get serious. my goal is to have it in before chirstmas. you can stop laughing now. although i would loooove a real hearth, there is nothing like the smell of a fire and the crackling of the logs, we are going to put in a gas one. we just can't afford to put in a real one and i think i would move into a new house with a fire place before i would ever consider such an expense and undertaking. anyway a gas fire place is pretty too. you get the mantel and the look of a fireplace, the heat of a fireplace, and a close ambiance. also you don't have to wait for the fire to go out. if i am home with a fire going and i need to run out i can just flick a switch and not worry. and of course now i am all excited about it so i want it yesterday while justin wants to take it slow. i think i will probably drive him insane. of course my biggest fear is that after all the legwork it will come out to be way more expensive than i thought and we won't want to do it. anyway, my goal is to have our stockings hung by the fireplace with care, and since i can't do any manual labor myself, my only power is to nag. i take my job seriously.

the wheels on the bus

pinch me

today is a milestone day. sofia, after refusing a nap, was playing on my bed. i was wearily folding laundry downstairs, bracing myself for a long, rainy, sleepless afternoon. then i noticed silence. oh dear god she died! i ran upstairs and there she was sprawled on my bed. if it were not for her light snoring i would have begun cpr. instead i covered her with the blanket on the end of my bed and prayed while i slowly slid the door shut. then, holding my breath i tiptoed down stairs. then silence and a huge sigh of relief. this is truly a blessing. i don't know what to do first becuase surley it can't last. so here i am blogging about it when i should be sprawled out on the couch with bon bons, what the heck is wrong with me????

at least it's over

well i am not surprised. i knew long before last night how this would all end. my biggest concern or what troubles me the most is the look on the faces of the Obama supporters as he is delivering his speech. the man is a wordsmith. and these people are expecting big things, no huge things. let's end the war and fix the economy and wipe out the national debt and solve the housing crisis and cowtow to the middle class oh and can you hurry up? the faces of these people like he is a god up there. and i know that's how it goes but now more than ever people are vulnerable. the voters get younger and more naive (becuase it can't be that i am older and more synacal) and they are waiting for change. i have a feeling that 4 years maybe 8 years from now they will still be waiting. but hey, maybe i'm wrong. i hope i'm wrong.

rock the vote

so i did it! i went early this morning and voted my little heart out. i even voted for one person i had never heard of because i liked her name. yeah i know, but i couldn't just leave the box blank. it's like what they tell you in school, just take a guess if you don't know at least you have a shot at getting it right. and how can anyone with a name that pretty be bad...
the lines weren't too bad but i did have to wait which i have never waited before. that is a good sign. i am happy to see people out and voting (even if they are voting for the wrong candidate). i love chrissy's analogie about the snowstorm! it totally does feel like that. i can't wait to sit tonight and watch the numbers on the screen! it is so exciting. what a milestone election. of course if obama wins there will be the segment of the black population that doesn't consider him "black enough", which i totally don't get. i mean my mother is portugese and my father is irish and i have never thought of myself as not "portugese enough". i mean really silly. but none the less it is history in the making. in massachusetts we also had three questions, the first was to do away with income tax which at first sounds awesome until you think of the hike in property tax and how that would effect elderly home owners and ritiered homeowners. the secind question is reguarding changing the penelty for having an ounce or less of marijuana on you. basically it would be a fine and your on your way. i don't like the message that sends, also police can capture people on other crimes being investigated if they can arrest them on drug charges. the third one is on banning dog racing. so you know i am not an animal person but i was all set to vote to ban it. then i thought of the people that would lose their jobs and i hesitated. in the end i voted for the dogs. don't tell anyone.
so we will see how it all unfolds tonight. i may even take your idea on the "hot chocolate" chrissy.
and oh yeah, i voted for mccain.

crappy halloween

halloween was crappy. it was a lot of rushing, and although the night was beautiful if not a little blustery, we didn't stay out long. i wasn't into it. i felt really down and i started noticing the three inch layer of dust on the piano, the piles of clothes on the bedroom floor, things i block out during a holiday. i must say that the porch looked amesome all lined with out pumpkins that we carved. people actually were taking pictures! the kids looked cute in their star wars ensambles but of course i didn't get a shot of all 4 of them together. oh and all our candy went and we had to turn off the lights (guess i shouldn't have eaten that enitre bag of baby ruths). my mother-in-law and father- in-law passed out candy and heckled the older trick or treaters. i haven't checked yet to see how many of our pumpkins got smashed. i know she can't help herself, but she doesn't have to face the retaliation! also she kept asking everyone if they had peanut allergies before she put the reeces in their bag. i guess that's the teacher in her. personally i just throw whatever in, and if they don't have a costume, then they get a popcorn ball. the booby prize! anyway next year will be better and today i will dust. plus there is always thanksgiving...we'll visit plimouth plantation and make our own butter.... okay i feel better.

a great day

i did it! it went well beyond bedtime but we had a ball. we carved about 8 pumpkins. i roasted the seeds with salt and oil. then we reatreated to the living room to watch charlie brown. the kids loved it and i think we have a new bouley family tradition. there was one part where snoopy is crying and sofia cried out "he needs a mommy doggy". oh my goodness i just melted. that was a wow, pat myself on the back moment. of course justin is in the background asking what about a daddy doggy? men! can't you just let me have my moment? anyway. i was exhausted after all the clean up. it had been a long day. we started at the mom's club halloween party which was beyond adorable. sofia had so mush fun and there were tons of kids there. after that we went home for sleepy do. then riley got home and sprung on me the fact that he volunteered me to make a pumpkin bread for his school halloween party! i had to whip out my martha book, which brings me to the email i got saying that i have been chosen again to attend a taping of the martha stewart show!!! i was besides myself. the taping is november 20th so set your tivos. also there is nothing and i mean nothing like new york city at christmas time. i am so excited. have i told you i just love the holidays?

happy holidays

so i am the clark w griswold of holidays. i build things up in my mind and have such huge expectations and i never seem to have the time i need to get it all done. for instance i had invisioned going to boo at the zoo (didn't happen) salem (nope) silverbrook farm (sorry) and pumpkin carving along with toasting and eating of seeds while watching it's the great pumpkin charlie brown (thursday, i'm shooting for thursday). my point is that i love love love the holidays and i want to cram it all in. you should see what i have planned for christmas! but the problem is that the older i get the quicker it all goes by. i remember as a child the christmas season seemed to last so long and now it's like 29 days! oh my god 29 days how the heck am i going to get it all in in 29 days!!! so i vote we move christmas to January. January is such an ugly month anyway, why not jazz it up with some holiday cheer. just think more time to do your shopping, more time for holiday parties. didn't roosevelt do something like that with thanksgiving? okay so i know it's not going to happen. i'll just have to find a way to cram in all of my holiday cheer, hell i'm up at 6:00 anyway....

happy birthday baby

aaahhhhh. it's over. my son has officially been ushered into his 7th year in style. i mangaged to make all of his wishes come true. thank goodness he didn't aim too high. i will put pictures up of the magician, and pumpkin patch. it was really cute and the kids seemed to have fun. there were only a few tears when one girl didn't get any candy from the pinata and tears again when another girl came late and was immediatly told by her "friend" that she had missed everything. even at 7 years old, or maybe especially at 7 years old, girls are particiulary mean. anyway, i got some compliments from parents so that is always nice and i had a blast setting it up. my mom must have told me 4 times while i was decorating that i should be a preschool teacher. great, throw another option into the mix as if i wasn't confused enough... so the kids went home with painted pumpkins, necklaces that they made, and treat bags. not to mention a sugar high that had some parents giving me daggers but hey that's what birthdays are all about. until you turn 30. then they are about male exotic dancers and mojitos. that's a hint justin...

oh god no!!

so here it is. 6 am. that's it, that's how it is going to be. each morning the same, "mommy, moooomy.....mmmmmmmoooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyy! daddy? daddy.....mmmmoooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyy!!

"she's up. can you get her? just let her yell, we can't let her get in a habit of this....but what if she's stuck?" etc.. we have tried it all. putting her down later, putting her down earlier. a new pillow and blankets, the twilight turtle. you name it. it's just her. she doesn't require alot of sleep. i like to think it is punishment for the crimes i commited in my past life as an egyptian queen. whatever it is it's killing me and it is only going to get worse in the winter. i hate having to leave the warm cocoon of my blankets for the cold dark house. if anyone has any suggestions short of childrens nyquil i'd love to hear it. until then i'll be rising before the sun curtosy of the cutest rooster in the world.

blah blah blah

i am trying to sqeeze in a blog this morning which, i know, sounds both painful and innapropriate. anyway, i feel like it is helpful to be able to just go on and on on a subject with no interruptions, no facial expressions to interpret. i miss it if i go a day without it. sometimes i know jsut what i want to blog about before i start, and then other days like today i jsut write what ever i am thinking about at the time. i also love to read everyone elses blog. everyone else is chrissy (who is pretty faithful and jsutin who hasn't bloged in forever) i get dissapointed when chrissy hasn't posted a new blog. especially when i am bored at work. i want to call her and tell her to write a blog right away becasue i know she doesn't do anything but get manicures and facials all day(hahaha). at least now i ahve jeremys blog to read too. that should take some of the pressure of chrissy. well here come the interrupters (aka my children). keep blogging :)

old vidoes

so i am so happy that my husband left me in the throws of labor to buy our video camara. okay i was really pissed at the time, but then properly sedated, and now, finally 7 years later i have forgiven him. last night we put on videos from when riley was about 9 months old until his first birthday. we were really good about filming back then, well at least justin was. i used to get irritated with his colorful commentary and would sometimes tell him to stop taping everything. when i was living it i thought how would i ever forget this most precious time in my life. watching the tapes last night was a wake up call. those days are gone. that beautiful little ball of chub is replaced by a long, lean, beautiful if not often gouchy almost 7 year old. he didn't even recognize our old cat or his favorite old toy. i realized how much had faded from my memory and how amazed i was to see my baby again. how much sofia looks like him. the fact that he started walking at 9 months old when in my memory it was more like 13 month! the old apartments we lived in. the people that were there then that aren't now (seeing rhiannon's face and hearing her voice again). i may not be able to turn back the clock and hold my babies again but i have captured the joyfulness of a precious time. proof that it wasn't all a dream. i can hear his angelic laughter, i can see his toothless smile, i can say look at how far we have come, and it is possible to love someone more each day.

now i feel better

this is to the idiot driving around fairhaven in a minivan with "Wood school pto is unfair"and "exclusion hurts" printed on her windows: grow up you gigantic asshole.
if you are that upset that the halloween party is only for grades 3-5 then probably you should rethink your whole exitence. you are upsetting children who were not upset in the first place. you are making a fool of yourself. please go back to your trailor. get out your hose and clean off that monstrosity you parade around in and then beat the crap out if yourself with it when you are all done becuase to quote my father you are a "flamming horses patoot".

family

this morning was even colder and i think today we will probably put the heat on. i think i can actually see my breath this morning. i got up at the ungodly hour with sofia today since justin was out late watching the red sox make their little comeback. i had thought about staying up to watch sarah palin on snl but i had company in bed last night, mr riley james informed me as he was stepping into the tub, that he would sleep with me if i wanted him to. ha! of course i said yes because he is ridiculously cute and we are on the cusp of a new relationship. he will be seven next weekend and he has been pushing away from me for a little while now. he doesn't want kisses from me and last night when i went to snuggle up to him he told me he needed his space. ouch. he talks a little bit about girls and one in particular that moved to texas last year. obviously he is way to young for any of that but he is starting to become aware of the natural biology of things. also he is asking difficult questions that i don't always have answers to and i am not taking about what is 246+246 (which he did ask me yesterday we were in the middle of a birthday party in mcdonalds and i didn't have a pen...) but things like what was here before god made everything? and is my hamster in heaven? and suddenly he is a little robert shapiro when it comes to getting what he wants. i guess this will serve him well in life but for right now its pretty damn annoying. i don't know when to give in. when to reward a good argument and when it is just me caving. his relationship with sofia has changed to. he finds her absolutely annoying and he even tells her he hates her. sofia on the other hand adores him and takes in everything he says. she reacts to his emotions strongly. for example i was tickling riley on the floor the other day and he was screaming for me to stop and sofia came running over very serious and was screaming stop mommy stop! i am having a hard time being empathetic to riley. i remember having similar feeling for my sister and i know as you both grow those feelings change but how do you explain that to an almost 7 year old who wants to play his video game in peace and doesn't appreciate a two year old sitting on his back and pulling his hair? i just keep telling my self that someday they will be best friends and will need each other. they will talk on the phone and their children will play together. they will be together long after justin and i are no longer here. maybe they will even laugh about these times like how laura and i laugh about the time i threw pliers at her head (i maintain my position that she asked me to do it) any way she healed up nicely and now we have a great relationship. i just wonder how my parents got through it...

here comes the cold

so here comes the cold! i woke up at 6 this morning curtosy of the cutest alarm clock on the east coast, and i was freezing. i looked at the thermostat in the playroom and it said 66 degrees. of course the heat is off because it is only October, but i have a feeling it will be coming on this weekend, and by "have a feeling" i mean i plan to nag incessently until it comes on. apparently this is a big deal, we have to open all of the windows because the forced air blows out dust and stinks pretty bad at first. i grew up with radiators so this phenomon is new to me. and of coures my husband is telling me this as i am scouring ceiling to floor in the kitchen in preparation for a long winter. i actually think fall cleaning is more serius then spring cleaning becuase we are going to be closed up tight for the next zillion months. so anyway my hard work will be covered with dust apparently this weekend. hopfully it won't be that bad and maybe justin just says all of that stuff about dust to keep from turinig the heat on early...hmmm. i just hope it stays mild enough for riley's birthday party to be held outside next weekend. okay i have to go throw away the half eaten piece of cheese my daughter jsut shoved in my hand! oye vey!

putting it off

so i put things off. not normal things like exercise or paying bills, but weird things. like i have had a headache all day. it would be really easy to go into the bathroom and take a tylenol and be done with it, but i don't. i put it off. it feels like laziness. it's not that i am morally opposed to tylenol although i do admit i am a tiny bit suspicious of phamacueaticals, it's just that i don't feel like it. i actually did dishes and folded laundry while putting off taking a pill. i sometimes do this with getting a drink. i am really thirsty, but i am too lazy to get water. mind you i will make a snack for one of my kids, or change a diaper or whatever, just not get a drink. it's wierd i know. it's almost like i am anticipating getting something for someone else, so i don't get it for myself. even at night before i go to bed i have my husband get my glass or water. even if he is busy and i am not. somebody analyze this for me. am i a nut?

waiting

i am exhausted. i have done alot today. taking care of four children will drain you. ok so mostly 3 since riley was in school for most of the day but still, i had to get him ready, study his spelling words again, and get him on the bus. oh yeah and make sure that he was wearing his sneakers for the field trip. i couldn't find his library book in time though, so he wasn't able to take out a new one. anyway my point is i am beat. my eyelids feel like they wheigh ten pounds each. mybody temp has dropped and i am craving blankets. so why am i awake and typing this? i am trying to stay awake for justin. he is sick and his ears and throat hurt. right now i have him sleeping on the recliner after he drank his tea with honey. normally this would envoke an eye roll, but in fairness to him he does look realy pale and sick. he has to work the overnight tonight and he chose to not call out. therfore i have to wake him at 11:30 so he can get up and get ready to go. i am afraid that if i read or watch tv i will pass out. it is 10:42. i can make it! i can be the strong one. i mean he takes care of me when i am sick (and rightfully so). i will not fall asleep. i will take comfort in knowing that he is getting his rest. i willzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

in the moment

so i have been doing yoga and pilates each night to get in some exercise. both are mostly about breathing. and what i learned is that the importance of focusing on the breathing is to keep you in the present. i thought it was to distract you from the discomfort and pain, but maybe that's just childbirth. anyway, it got me thinking about being in the moment becuase i am never in the moment. i tried to rememeber what that feeling is like, and what i came up with was when i first started driving. i was so excited and nervous. i was focused on what i was doing and what everyone else in the road was doing at the moment. i wanted to be safe and that required paying attention to my surroundings. what was actually going on that instant. it was an exillerating feeling. i was so focused. nothing could break my concentration. i was thinking about my speed and the signs in front of me, the cars around me. we were all moving together and one false move could be devastating. i didn't care about my report that was due, or what my boyfriend was doing. i just wanted to get through the journey safely.

i think about my driving now. i am a million miles away. i am auto-pilot. i drink coffee, eat stuff, dig out sippy cups from the backseat, and kill spiders. i still try to be safe, but i have been doing it so long that it is like breathing now. i tried this morning to get that feeling back on our way to music class, but it is gone. plus sofia really needed her olivia book from under my seat. maybe i'll just stick to the yoga...

PTO

Okay so as you all know I am the secreatary of the PTO at Riley's school. I have always believed that for kids to truley be successful and secure, parents need to be involed. They need to see that what they are doing is imporant and that the people who love them are right there with them. Growing up both of my parents worked. My mom was never available to help out in class or to chaperone filedtrips. i remember wanting so despertly for her to come. i wanted her to see me at school. She never could or never did anyway. I don't begrudge my mother working. We had a lot of nice things growing up and we were able to go on a lot of vacations. I just look back on it now and think shit, would it have killed her to take on sick day to go with us to the science museum? i remember purposly forgetting my lunch so that my dad would have to come by school and bring it to me. of course it didn't hurt that he didn't feel like going all the way home so he would stop and get mc donalds or something for me. i remeber how the smell of those french fries would fill up the room. we didn't have hot lunch at my school. So my mom was not and is not a baker or a sewer. she was not a member of the pto. I do remember her bringing in cupcakes for my birthday in kindergarten (store bought, but who cares). i remember being so proud of her for bringing them in and glaring at the little girl who didn't want one. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom but i think maybe that is why i am the way i am. i need to volunteer. i need to be secretary of the pto(next year...maybe president). i need to make my own frosting. i need to overcompensate for what i missed. i wonder what riley will think of me when he is 29. will he remember me as overbearing and too much into everything? Will he be happy that i was so involved? Will he be mad that we couldn't afford all the latest toys? Will he even remember? i guess i'll find out. 22 years from now.

hours of sleep

okay so probably no one has noticed the time that this blog was written, actually i am not sure that it even says the time but anyway it is 5:36 AM. I have been up since 4:30. My daughter does this once in a while, usually when my husband is doing an overnight. Sometimes it is even earlier, but 4:30 is pretty damn early. i am on my second cup of coffee. she is on her second round of kipper the dog. what else does one do at 4:30 in the morning? I guess at one point in my life i might have been coming home at 4:30 in the morning, but those days are gone. i am moslty okay with that too, but there are some things i wish i could do-over. oh great, here comes my son. i swear he can't hear me ask him to do something when i am right behind him but he can hear a cartoon in a dead sleep all the way upstairs in his room. i guess it's a guy thing. my husband is like that too. i swear that is a skill they teach at cub scouts or something. how to tune out the female voice. i wonder what the badge for that looks like. okay, i have threatened i mean convinced him to go back to sleep. it's for his saftey really, i am unpredictable and grouchy before 8:00. i can't beleive i have to function at work in front of people today. well thank god it's tuesday, which to most people is no big deal, but when you work 2.5 days tuesday is really like thursday. i think i am going to make riley's lunch now then take a long hot shower. you know the kind where little people are banging on the door hollering "mommy mommy mommy" but i have my own technique for blocking out little voices. somewhere around maybe the sixth month of parenthood a gene or something kicks in that allows you to be able to block out whining and crying babies. you will be able to have a conversation, shovel food in your mouth, maybe even fall asleep. this gene applies especially to men at 2:3o in the morning with a crying hungrybaby. it becomes like super gene and no amount of whispered "honey"'s our subtle nudging will do so that's when you have to give a good swift kick to the shin... okay, time for another round of kipper.

my blog

so here is my blog. see, i really enjoyed reading chrissy's blog so i decided to try it. probably no one will read my blog except for chrissy and justin..well that's not true maybe people will read it. probably the same people that would come to my silpada party or whatever.

so i am not going to focus on spelling or grammer i am just going to type. i mean i will fix words and everything like for instance, i typed my blob instead of blog so i fixed that...but i am not going to be anal. i actually don't like the word anal. i used it in a conversation with someone i didn't know too well the other day, and i felt like maybe it was innapropriate to use. it's not a swear or anything but still. anal. i don't like it. it's like "penal"... anyway i digress...

i am so bored at work today. i really need to switch my career. i say this alot, but i don't really do anything about it. alot of people are like that. maybe it's contagious. i have always been a doer and now i am a dodger. then there is the issue of to concieve or not to concieve. my mind and body are telling me NO NO NO. but there is this tiny little tugging that is saying mmm baby. okay so maybe it is mostly my checkbook saying NO NO NO and the bag of comfy maternity clothes saying oh come on.. remember when you were pregant and those stains on your shirt were cute... i actually really like being pregnant. i feel healthy and energized like my body is doing something amazing. i love rubbing tummy butter on my big belly and being able to see the inside of my belly button. i love the little nudges and flicks. okay i am going to stop here before i so something rash...

so this is therepeutic if not a bit adhd. i assume my blogging will get better as i go right?