a peek inside

so the question i get asked the most, right after when are you due, is what do you want it to be. i guess this is a legitmate question since i have one boy and one girl so far, but my answer is and always will be "healthy". you don't lose three pregnancies without learning a thing or two aboutwhat is really important. then to follow up i usually say "it would be easier if it was a girl". in a sense this is true but it got me thinking. deep down inside what do i REALLY want? i thought about my son and our relationship. he is so precious to me and i fought so hard and continue to fight so hard for him to succeed. i love him so much and will probably always feel the need to protect him. i worry about when he is older, will he get into fights? will someone hurt him? will a girl break his heart? and this mother lion instinct comes over me. he and i may never go shopping together when he is older and maybe he will only show up for dinner or to bring laundry but he will always be "my baby". Sofia is differnent. in a weird way, even though she is two going on three i think of her as my protegee. almost my friend. i am shaping her becuase as a woman i know what strenght she will need. i don't coddle her as much becuase i am teaching her what i know. i envision us as best friends someday. i picture being there for her during all the big moments in her life. i wonder what kind of a woman she will be. she simply amazes me everyday. not to say that riley doesn't, but i guess it is easier for me to relate to her. i also know that we will be in for some rocky times. teenage hormones and angst. i try not to dwell too much on that. it will be crossed when we get there.
so to answer the question that i asked myself "what do i want my baby to be?" after much reflection on both of my children the answer is simply "happy".

these come from actual conversations within the past 4 months

Here is my list of stupid things people say to the pregant:

1. when are you due?....oh you have a long ways to go.
2. you know it's really ten months don't you...
3. oh you're pregant...i could tell months ago i just thought you were getting fat.
4. three kids is too many...better you than me.
5. shouldn't you be drinking decaff?

i'm sure by january i will have more to add...feel free to add your own.

it's me

i haven't blogged in a while so i feel like i should in the five minutes i ahve beteween picking up dropped stuffed animals from people who are fighting their bedtime to power sculpting my ass with jillian michaels so that i can somehow muster the courage to wear a bathing suit this summer. hmm what to blog about... well it was nice having chrissy here even if it was only for a couple days. i too, really enjoy her conversation and i always learn something new. she is so easy to be with that it amazes me. normally i feel pressure to entertain. to make sure people are enjoying themselves and it can be exhausting. with chrissy we could just sip tea and relax (somewhat with sofia) and conversations just flow naturally. it's not that easy for me to talk on the phone. i rely on people's facial expressions and movements to really focus and be aware of whats going on. it was so great to have that again with chrissy and it was like we were never apart. i have always admired the fact that she plays no games. if she is tired she'll tell you. if she wants to go home, she does. i love that. no guessing. no trying to figure people out. that is so unbelivably refreshing especially after months if playing the "where do you want to go for lunch, i don't care where do you want to go"game with titia. well my daughter is calling as are my three pound hand weights... i'll miss you christina rudd!

peter rabbit

okay so i don't get. our public school wants to have an easter egg roll. this is what it was called from the begining, like easter egg hunt, carnival games, pony rides, ets. to welcome in spring. i think it's great! however we can't call it an "easter" anything. it has to be an "eggcellent" event. i mean we wouldn't want to offend anyone with religious undertones. well guess what? i'm offended! hmmm so let me see. easter is a catholic holiday, no the catholic holiday. and you want to celebrate it in your commercial, easter bunny kind of way. i get it, i love easter bunnies. but look at it this way. suppose you had an annual party, maybe a birthday party for your kid. and i came to your party and said woohoo this is fun! look at that cake and the pinata and all those presents! i want this too except i need to make some changes so it's more comfortable for me. i want to rearrange all your furniture, take your kids name off the cake and put mine, and then i am going to pop all your balloons becuase they make me nervous. now you would at this point tell me to get the hell out of your house right? i mean who the heck do i think i am. this is your party you've been doing it every year. why should someone come and critisize and change it all around to make it theres? my point exactly.

my two-year old birth control

i think i am weakening. i think my husband has almost convinced me to so this babymaking thing again. i start to get wistful...i see a cute baby on tv or at church... i start to tell myself that i was a cute pregnant lady and not a human version of shamu... i start looking at the little tiny outfits that no longe would fit sofia.... so close and then......waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. her new blood curdling scream thingy she has perfected. i'm not sure what would possess such a tiny little morsel to try and break the sound barrier but wow. then i think ohhhh hellllllllll no. i am not dealing with another one of those. or i am laying so comfy on my belly at night snuggling into my pillow and i start thinking hhmmm maybe another little precious babyhead to sniff....and then i realize....my goodness!! i am soooo comfy on my stomach!!! i wouldn't be able to sleep on my stomach!!! i can't believe i am so ambivilant! i always know what i want. except for the important things i guess. maybe i just need someone else to be pregant with me so we can comiserate together. (come one chrissy. emilys practically ready to vote...)

i'm baaaaaaack

so i keep getting these ideas for blogs. usually when i am getting out of the shower (i do my best thinking naked aparently, although my high school friends might not agree) anyway by the time i get to the computer they are gone. poof. i think i might have a taste of the frustration of early alzheimers. i can almost grab it but not quite. oh well i am sure it will come to me when i am driving or at another inappropriate moment. i miss blogging. it was part of the trinity of new years resolutions that i made. i will admit that i have kept up with the exercise part and more often than not the reading part but blogging seems to suffer. probably becuase i blog at work and keep getting interuppted. maybe work isn't the best place to blog but the way i see it is that i don't smoke, and the people that do smoke go out on average for 10 minutes ever hour. thats over an hour of break time (not including lunch) in an 8 hour day. surly i am intitled to a 20 minute blog??

good morning

Here is a list of ten satisfying things in no particular order:
1. freshly sharpened pencils
2. finding a close parking spot at Target
3. ripping preferated edges
4. finding money in an old pocketbook
5. getting a stain out
6. making a baby burp
7. sweatpants
8. nuts over caramel sundea at friendlys
9. sleeping in
10. sprouts in the ground

see didn't my list put you in a good mood? my horoscope told me to keep it light today and not share too much information. i thought a list of satisfying things would be fun :)